Friday, 29 April 2016

Happy Birthday Pihu Nagaraju

Belated Happy Birthday Pihu Nagaraju. 
You were born on 13th March 1995 in the parallel world of Yin Yang Series.
Do you remember when both of you were children; Aarush would tease you that even your birthday is an evil and unlucky number— 13!
“I don’t believe in good vs. evil. I believe in both. And I believe in none.” You would reply in a placid tone, “There is nothing like lucky and unlucky. One person’s fortune can be another person’s misfortune and vise versa.”
How were you so wise? But as you ARE the wise one, let me ask you, “Do you believe in reincarnations? What do you think about Theory of Karma? Do you think no soul leaves this universe for eternity till S-He has finished what the Soul of Universe intended it to achieve? Do you believe souls leave the universe for eternity? What is the meaning of Ram Naam Satya Hai? Do you believe that we all are different manifestations of the same- DITTO- SAME thing? Do you think I am not different from the worse of the sinners and the most sublime saints?”
Oh my angel, tell me! Tell me what you think?
There is no wonder I am a member of #iLovePihu club— I might not get the answers, but I can ask you what matters the most to me. And so can #AarushKashyap!





Friday, 18 March 2016

4 YEAR OLD'S TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS SKILLS

I guess my 4 years old daughter can qualify as the youngest expert in the field of Transactional Analysis. Or may be on second thought, kids are BORN TO WIN
She wanted us to buy a white board for her. This is how she got it in 3 DAYS straight! 

SUNDAY
We were returning back from Lake Tahoe when it started. In the car, she said 50 times (or more) I want white board. 
So, she used C- Child. "I want white board, I want white board...." 
To shush her up, I said, "Okay, if you go to school without creating fuss for a week, we will buy you a white board on the weekend." I used A- Adult. 
She responded from A- Adult: Okay, but not 5 days... 3 days. 

I like a fool, POSTULATED that we won't count days. She is a 4 years old. She will forget in a couple of days that she had done this negotiation. 

But to my utter surprise, on Wednesday she says, "Mummy, 3 days are over. Will I get my white board today?" 
I was like- What!!! 

Now, when she gets out of her school, she sees her Daddy. Her Daddy doesn't give up on his Child tantrums, so she hits the A- Adult directly. 
She from Adult Ego State- Daddy, where is my white board? It's the 3rd day. 
Daddy (Not expecting this)- Dear, we will get it on weekend. 
She from Parent Ego State (Notice the covert reprimanding)- I thought Daddy always keeps his promise

CHECKMATE! 

Result, Well!! 



Wednesday, 24 February 2016

RULE OF READING- 25 PAGES

RULE OF READING- 25 PAGES


Today I made a golden rule- if I read 25 pages of a book and yet the book fails to teach me one thing that rings true with my mind, I will keep the book down and move to the next one.

With my reading speed (50 books a year), I might just be able to read 2000 more books in my lifetime, considering I live for another 40 years. I can’t read the books only because someone was ruminating on pages or someone didn’t have better use of his/her time and therefore s/he filled pages. 

Writing is a serious craft. I take it damn seriously. And I like to read people who take it equally seriously. I have nothing against reading the writers who find writing EASY because they have REACHED there. But they are few, much lesser than what we can imagine. Some writers are born with a Golden Pen and without much training they are THERE. They simply are THERE. There are other writers who work for years to hone their craft and finally find the VOICE that is plain and simple—AWESOME!

Any given time, there might be 10% writers in human population who are of that league. So, definitely there are 90% writers out there making legitimate living writing something, which is hardly good. They write because writing pays their bills. Which is great! It must pay the bills. But I am not going to read something only because the writing paid that writer’s bill. If a person falls in that category the person must work double, triple, or four times harder than the TALENTED writer to impress me. If s/he is not TALENTED (NATURALLY TALENTED—BORN WITH A GOLDEN PEN) and not HARDWORKING, why exactly should I read this writer?

I will read something because the person who wrote twisted his/her guts to write it. S/he shivered with passion. S/he screamed in anguish. S/he cried real tears.
I have to know that someone has burned his/her mental fuel to reach to the pages, which I am reading. Else, I am not interested!

If you want to learn how to write a novel, you can follow Kirtida's week by week program called Method Writing. 

Kirtida Gautam is a clinical psychologist and an author. Follow her on Twitter @KirtidaGautam 




Monday, 22 February 2016

5 Parenting tips for raising emotionally secure and healthy child


A key to leading a happy and stable life goes beyond financial independence; it also requires you to be emotionally competent and strong. Emotional independence is significant to boost self-confidence, to have less reliance on others, to reduce stress and promote happiness, to broaden your horizons and is essential for personal improvement and creativity.

Here are 5 tips on raising your child to be emotionally healthy:
   1. Never disregard your child’s emotions: be it a positive emotion or a negative.

e.g. “boys don’t cry”, “Strong boys/girls don’t feel scared”, “You are not supposed to get angry at your parents”.

Try to understand why they feel what they feel and explain them pros and cons of their actions, instead of disregarding their emotions. Tell them what can happen if they get too angry or keep crying or shouting, rather them telling them not to do so. Children love reasoning. If you can give them a solid reason for not doing something, they probably won’t do it. But if you want them to comply just because you are their parents, be ready for noncompliance.

It will make them acknowledge their own emotions and take responsibility for their actions.

   2. Show them your true emotions: this is as important as the above one.


Don’t try to be God in front of your child. Don’t misguide them by playing a superhuman to them. For a long time, they will believe it. They will think that being sad, angry or scared are the signs of weakness. They shouldn’t exhibit them because their parents also don’t display them. Again I am not advocating losing the family decorum and fighting like cats and dogs in front of your child. But do the right thing. Show them your human side and teach them how to deal with issues, rather than hiding them.

They will learn to control their emotions and deal with difficult situations.

   3. Give them power:


It’s a duty of the parents to discipline their children. But at times, you also need to empower them to stand their ground. If they don’t want to do something, ask yourself how important it is for you to actually make them do it. Choose your battle. Don’t force them to comply with all your demands. At times hear their argument for not doing something and let them win. If it is vital, then show the authority and make them comply. 

It will make your children stand for themselves, which will increase self-value and self-esteem in them.

  4. Don’t over protect:

Let them fall, but also, let them know that they have your back. Let them make mistakes and then teach them how to overcome. Prevention is not always better than cure.

They’ll learn to face their fears and will improve on their decision-making skills.



  5. Cultivate the habit of reading in your child: I will put this above all.


The way a highly paid jobs give you financial independence, reading makes you emotionally independent.

If you have a choice of cultivating one habit in your child, make them a reader. A person with a book never needs others just to kill the time. They have a book to give them company in their alone time.


By making your child a voracious reader, you are opening a huge platform for them to learn and expand their knowledge; also, you are giving them a hobby of a lifetime which doesn’t require anyone else to participate in and thus making them emotionally less dependent on others for happiness and peace of mind. 

                     How to fix the angry mother inside you

I am a freelancer into social media marketing, creating a platform for new authors and promoting their books, also enjoy blogging.

follow me on Twitter: @payaldesai83 &

Facebook: Payal.Desai.Chopra

Monday, 15 February 2016

Cultivating emotional independence in children

Isn’t emotional independence equally important as financial independence?


What makes you an independent human being, financial control or emotional stability?

            


As a parent, most of us want to give the best of education to our children. But let’s keep one hand on our hearts and ask why. Is it because we want our child to be intellectually stimulated and learn the things he/she wants? Partly yes, but most of all we want our child to complete and get scores that secure them stable jobs and careers. There is no harm in wanting this. I am a believer of financial independence. Financial independence is not only about money. It gives you a sense of self-responsibility, self-control and also contributes in stirring self-esteem. But does it only take your earning capability to make you truly independent? Honestly, No. As humans, we are bounded by many other faculties of our psyche. We are emotionally dependent on other human being around us, be it our parents, spouse, friends or children. And that dependency leaves us vulnerable for others to take advantage of us.

If we spend a fortune in making our child financially independent, why it doesn’t strike us that we also need to put efforts in making our child emotionally strong and independent, in order to protect them. I am not asking about making them emotionally cold. We want our child to experience a full range of emotions like love, gratitude, bonding, fear, loss, and pain.

But do you want them to be dependent on others for dealing with these basic emotions?

Do you want your children to be with someone just because they are scared of being alone?

Or want them to be vulnerable to exploitation because they aren’t able to stand for themselves?

If the answer to the above questions is No, then isn’t it time to think what can we do as parents to make our child emotionally strong and healthy?

One mistake we make as a society is driving all our efforts in motivating our next generation to just focus on building their careers and undervaluing the emotional faculties that require an equal amount of care and grooming. We suppress any emotions that we think might get in the way of success for them. And by doing so either we raise our children to be dispassionate and impersonal or emotionally dependent and passive.
In order to raise an emotionally healthy child, we need to educate ourselves in understanding the function of professional competence as well as emotions in human lives, the balance between thinking and feeling. We need to observe, accept and acknowledge the emotional stages our child undergoes without labeling it right or wrong.
If you want them to overcome their fear, let them recognize it and face it. If you want them to rise, let them fall. Let them be sad, angry, ecstatic, courageous, and above all, let them be who they are.


I am a freelancer into social media marketing, creating a platform for new authors and promoting their books, also enjoy blogging.

follow me on Twitter: @payaldesai83 &

Facebook: Payal.Desai.Chopra

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

How to Fix the Mother in Me?

                   

To Be or Not to Be That is the Question

Every night in the lame attempts of falling asleep, the same chain of thoughts start to cripple my head. We all have failed at some point of time in our lives; failed as a person, as a professional or a student. But how would it be to feel like a failure as a mother? This is the one thing in the world which makes every woman feel divine. Since childhood we are taught, by our society and movies, how great a mother is. But I often end up asking myself, is motherhood divine or a duty?

The common mistake we make as a society is to postulate that just by giving birth to a child, one has achieved great heights as human-being. Truly a woman undergoes lot of physical and psychological changes from the day she conceives, and it needs courage. But did the child force you to bring her to the world? No. Having a child was a choice that we made as adults. We knew what we are getting into. There is nothing divine in taking that decision. What we do afterwards in raising our child that makes all the difference.

Like most of the middle class families, I thought staying at home when I and my husband both can work is to cut down our income in half and that gave me a sense of financial crunch. I resumed work after maternity leave, but soon realized that the corporate world doesn’t give a balance between work and family life. Each passing day I got lesser time for my kid. Then we moved to a foreign country for the career advancement of my husband. Here the working hours are even more stringent. I got a full-time helper. But back in our hometown when I was working, my kid had her grandparents looking after her along with the nanny. I can’t rely just on a stranger with my kid. So the divine mother lets go the extra income for her offspring! But what happens after that?

I have always been a working woman. My mind is a monster when it has no professional work to do. Staying at home made me realize that children can make any task, as simple as getting them dressed, looks like a rocket science. They seek attention and how! Listening their nonstop blabbering, taking care of their endless needs, giving them undivided attention, and taking their tantrums is not a child’s play. But isn’t that something I got myself committed to when I decided to go for a child? I have this realization but yet I fail everyday in giving what it takes. I remember the instances when I scolded my daughter badly instead of talking her into understanding my point, or when I was rough with her just because I have nothing mindful to do in the whole day. I promise myself to be more patient tomorrow. But the next day when she gives me a hard time, in other words behaves like a child, I again lose my patience.


Good Enough Mother

I know the change has to come within me. I need to be a mother. I won’t say “a good mother,” because I believe there is nothing like a good or a bad mother. Being a mother itself means giving unconditional love and nurturance to your child. I don’t commit to being an extremely patient mother or a super human which I am not. You don’t fail because you scold you child; you fail when you don’t give them the time and efforts they deserve. Children always reflect the mood we are in. If you are annoyed, be prepared for your child to give you the toughest time. So what do I do? I take baby steps. I started by giving her one dedicated hour a day apart from the time I give for her daily cores. During this one hour, I read her stories, play with her like a child and talk to her. Even a tiniest improvement in the right direction is a success. And believe me, your child will recognize your efforts and it will show in his/her behavior too.

                   

Ode to Motherhood 

So let’s start! Join me in the journey if the shoe hurts you at the same place. Or even if I am alone in the world who feels this way, I am fine. Motherhood was never meant to be teamwork. Because there can be no mother to your child except you. :-)

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

3 Things Every Reader Should Do



3 Things Every Reader Should Do

I have been a meticulous reader since the time I remember myself. I read books. I read magazines. I read blogs. I read sign board on road and advertisement hoardings if I don’t have anything else to read. Reading to me is like brushing teeth. If I don’t read any given day, I feel unhygienic.

And yet, till recent past, I didn’t write reviews or comments when I would read something. It’s only after I wrote my first novel and started interacting with readers I learnt how much an author values honest feedback.

Feedbacks are the backbone of writer-reader interaction. I love to hear from my readers and I want to know what they think about my work. It’s not narcissism. Quite the contrary! I hear even more intently if someone tells me something negative about my work. The reason is simple; writers live in their mind for most of the time. They shut out their system to the outside world to create a world that smells, touches, sounds, tastes, and looks real to the readers. And when they come out in the sunshine of real world it almost blinds their eyesight. They don’t know if the would they created is making sense or not.

It’s not just about fiction writing. A writing of any nature requires certain amount of introversion and mindfulness. It’s the demand of the craft. Even at this moment when I am writing this post, I have to shut out myself from the stimulants of my environment to figure out what exactly I need to be conveyed in this post and if I am able to do the task properly or not.
And here comes the role of the reader, if you are reading something, be interactive about your liking or disliking. Be communicative!

3 Things Every Reader Must Do:
  • Write review of every book you read
  • Write comment on the blogs you read 
  • If you are reading a book and you find something really good—a quote or a line or dialogue—tweet it and tag the author

The feedback of reader is more valuable to an author than the reader assumes it to be. Today I say this as an author :)

Other Posts:
Kaizen and Art of Success for Authors
Madness of Monkey Dance
6 Things That Make Me Feel Alive 

Kirtida Gautam is a clinical psychologist and an author. 
Follow her on Twitter @KirtidaGautam 
Facebook: Kirtida Gautam